My Predicament
by 143csi4ever
Summary: Sara is in a predicament after bringing Catherine back home. CS pairing. Don't like, don't read. chap 15 in....with a conclusion at the end.
1. Chapter 1

**MY PREDICAMENT**

disclaimer: No association with CBS nor CSI. Never have, never will. I just enjoy making Sara and Catherine have fun.

a/n: a challenge from futureCSI101 to make a full length of something... so here goes nothing!

rating: T

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"Easy does it, Catheine. We're almost there." 

"Sara, I'm glad you came. Thank you, thank you, thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Wasn't it fun?"

"Yes, it was. Come on, few more steps."

"Told you it would be fun."

"Yes, you did, Catherine."

"Had to bitch you first."

* * *

_That part was true. Catherine has her way of making me do things I don't want to do at first. Eventually I give in to her, somehow I always do. Most of the times I don't regret it._

Last night she asks me, "Sara, the boys and I are going to Pete's after work." Not being a party person, let alone being known as a loner and a workaholic, of course, I answered, "Sorry, need to finish this." I point to the microscope and sample fibers in front of me.

That didn't stop her. She sighs, "We're both working on the case. We'll finish it tomorrow. Besides you're maxing out your overtime again. Come on, you need a break." She comes behind me and massages my shoulders. Mind you, she never did that before. So I'm wondering why the friendly-touchy thing all of the sudden. Then again it fells good, especially coming form her. Any kind of close interaction with Catherine is just delightful. Her touching me now is pure ecstasy.

I look back into the microscope hoping she'll get the hint, "Catherine, I have samples I need to process." I'm slowly feeling relaxed with the way she massages my shoulders. I am also trying to control my hands from shaking. I have this urge to turn around, grab her, kiss her silly and lay her on the table. So here I am, gripping the table and holding the knob on the microscope for dear life. It helps a bit. But yes, after all these years she still has that effect on me. Good thing she can't feel my heart racing, or how everything infront of me is starting to blur.

She walks around and leans on the table, elbows infront with both hands under her chin, "It'll be fun. When was the last time you went out with us for a drink?" I know it would be inappropriate for me to say this but right now she is looking so adorable across the table.

"A month ago when I said 'no' but you kept on asking like you're doing now." I'm still looking into the microscope. But the fun thing with peripheral vision from where I am is I still can see her and every expression she's making. I know I have the need to say it again: she is looking adorable. Correction: she is adorable.

She creases her brow remembering, "That long ago? Seemed like ages!" She combs her long strawberry blond tresses with her fingers. I wonder how it feels like if I run my fingers through her hair?

She's glances at me, waiting for an answer. I have none. A month ago does seem like ages. Especially for a person like me who seldom goes out.

So I don't answer. I keep on adjusting the lens of the scope. It suppose to give me something to do, but it is not doing me any good. I still can see her. Damn...

"Well, you're going. I'll pick you up after work. Be at the locker room." She gets up with this and walks out of the lab. I am left with my mouth hanging open.

_I tell you, it may not be that much of a persuation to you but to me it's powerful enough. What can I say, she holds me under her spell. She always have and I know she knows this. So again, I am like putty in her hands._

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_comments, comments.. reviews. i need to know if i should keep up with this...so that's my little predicament._


	2. Chapter 2

**disclaimer: all in the first... **

**happy thanksgiving!**

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"Ahhh, I knew you'd come." 

"You don't take 'no' for an answer lightly."

"I promise we'll have a good time, Sara."

"Catherine, I'll just have a beer then I'll head home."

"Awww... don't be a spoil sport. You need to relax, Sara."

"Catherine, you know that I'm not the outgoing type."

"And yet here you are."

"You insisted."

"Come on then, we'll take my car."

"Alright..."

"You could've said 'no' to me, Sara."

"Again, I did but you insisted."

"I know. But you could've went straight home and not pass by the locker room."

"You'd wait."

"I would for awhile. Then I'd drive to your apartment and pound your door till you came out and go with me."

"So then I knew it's better that I just go with you now to avoid all that future hooplah."

"Ah, I know you'd see it my way, Sara."

* * *

_I don't know why but lately Catherine has been friendly towards me. Does she know something I don't? People were suddenly nice to my aunt when they found out she had cancer. So am I dying? Last physical I had I was in tip top shape. So that's not it. _

_I've been racking my noggin on why. Maybe she has something terminal that she's making amends with this life so she won't feel guilty in the after life. But she sure was mean to Ecklie early in the shift when he said something she didn't agree on. I thought she would smack him on his shiney forehead. Plus with a healthy body like she has, it's impossible for her to be sick. She's a sight of perfection. And I know every male in the lab will agree with me. You could see it in their faces when she walks by._

_She's not sick and I'm not sick. So what's up?_

_Maybe I'm just getting paranoid. But I have reason to. No one becomes friendly all of the sudden, especially towards me. Most especially Catherine. I'm a hard person to get along with. So why is she trying?_

_Questions, questions, questions..._

_I look at her as she drives. Her window is half down, the wind blowing on her hair. It's hard to describe how sexy she looks with her hair messed up like that. I wonder how it feels if I push her hair back behind her cute little ears. I wonder how it feels to touch her creamy soft skin. I wonder how it feels if I undress her slowly. I wonder how it feels if I have my hands caressing her naked back pulling her close to me. I wonder how..._

_Oh god, she caught me staring at her! Okay, it's not the first time though. So breathe. Slow deep breaths. Look ahead, look anywhere but at her. Idiot!_

* * *

"Sara?" 

"Umm, yeah?"

"You were staring at me..."

"I was?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

"Oh,what?"

"Hmm?"

"I'd like to know why."

"I don't..."

"Sara."

"Yes, Catherine?"

"Why do you stare at me?"

"Do I have to answer that?"

"Yes."

"I ask myself why."

"That's not an answer."

"Okay, I ask myself why would Catherine Willows want to spend time with me?"

"So that's why you stare?"

* * *

_Because you're drop dead gorgeous. Because even after all these years you take my breath away. Because I have never been attracted to another person, like I am with you. Let alone a woman! And good golly, what a woman you are! Must I mention what you do to me everytime I see you walk my way? How my heart skips a beat? How I get all tingly when I'm close to you? Do I need to mention that I'm terribly miserable at work when it's your day off? Or the many, many times I dial your number but never press call. Or the times I lay awake at night and have make believe conversations with you. You're the last person I think of before I sleep. And yours is the face I see whe I close my eyes. I think of you when I wake up. It's automatic with me. As the years go by these feelings should've faded. Knowing there is not a chance in hell that you'd look my way. But no, the feeling lingers. Strong as it has been since the day I fell slowly for you six years ago. _

_So there. That's why I love to look your way._

_But of course, I can never tell her that. She'd be so surprised that we might hit that on coming dump truck. End up in the hospital with casts and pins sticking out of our limbs. She'd probably smother me or pound me with her cast if she's able to move from her hospital bed, even if she's in traction, she'd find a way. I might be thinking of the too extreme. But hey, it's Catherine Willows we're talking about. There's no guessing what she's capable of doing. And that's another reason why I fell for her. She keeps me guessing. Everything with her is always a wonder, always fresh, unpredictable. _

* * *

"Yes, that's what I wonder about you, Catherine." 

"Thats you answer why you stare."

"Umm, yes. That too."

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"Yes, Sara.'Oh'."

"Okay."

"That's it?"

"You want something more?"

"Yes, Sara. There must be other reasons why..."

"So why are you nice to me, Catherine?"

"What?"

"You talk to me more now. You never gave me a second look before. Why the change?"

"I want to be friends with you."

"We are friends, Catherine."

"I'd like to know you more."

"So..."

"Sara, we're the only two females who go out on cases on our shift. It is a nice thought that we'd have each other's back when we're out together."

"You've always had me, Catherine."

"Huh?"

"I mean I've always watched you closely."

"Sar..."

I mean I'll always be there for you."

"Ummm, Sara..."

"I mean I'm yours. Uh, that didn't come out right..."

"Sara?"

"Damn. I mean you always had me to back you up." There you go.

* * *

_Now she's smiling. Sure, a mumbling, bumbling idiot. That's me. Look at her smile, it's crooked but it's adorably cute. Well, at least I amuse her at my own expense. _

_Best part is, I made her smile at me. My consolation for being a putz._

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_ this is new for me...so reviews would always be cool. _


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Check out the first chap. If you don't feel like it, that's up to you.**

**Thank you for all your reviews. you guys ROCK!**

**p.s: I'm going have my laptop serviced tomorrow ... i don't know how long it's going to take. **

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_I remember someone telling me that everything happens for a reason. So with Catherine being all friendly towards me... there must be a reason. Right? Why does there always have to be a reason? Because there usually is. Or is there? _

_Six years working together. Never has she massaged my back. The closes thing of her touching me was the occassional pat on the back with a 'good work, Sara' praise. A simple touch from her makes my day. Six years together, never has she pestered me to go out with the boys. Usually when I say 'no', that's it. But now, she doesn't drop it. If there is a reason behind all this, it better be a good one. If there's none, and she just wants to be friends- well, I guess I have to get used to talking to her more, seeing her more, associating with her more, and hurting me more. Yeah... it is a stuggle to be friends with someone you're in love with. So I guess my struggle continues. What a predicament I'm in._

_Friends._

_She wins. Being friends with her is better than nothing._

_We continue to drive the main highway with the occassional small talk. Once in awhile I would pretend to read a sign board just to take a quick glance at her. I know I've said it before, she's drop dead gorgeous. It's hard to take your eyes off on something that beautiful. And Catherine Willows is beautiful._

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"...so I said to Eckile is that if he interferes with my work again I will hit him where it hurts." 

"When you said 'hit him', is that ..."

"Physically, yes. I will hit him. He's getting on my nerves. With my three inch heels I know it's gonna hurt."

"Really, Catherine..."

"Oh, yes I will. He wouldn't be the first to see my heels way up close."

"Huh?"

"Joke, Sara."

"Oh, Well there always has to be an Ecklie at a work place. Keeps our jobs interesting."

"Yeah, right. So, change of subject, Sara. I heard a few rumors about you."

"Huh?" Oh, lord.

"I heard someone has a thing for you."

"If it's the Greg thing, that's old news. He does that to pester me and get attention."

"No, no. Not Greg. Someone else likes you."

"That's hard to imagine."

"What do you mean, Sara?"

"Look at me, Catherine. I mean, I'm Sara Sidle. Who in their right mind..."

"Sara, stop. You're beautiful, talented. Smart and funny."

"Talented and smart, come on now. Beautiful, no. Funny, hell, no."

"You underestimate yourself. Why do you put yourself down? You are beautiful. I'm not just saying that, but you are, really. Funny? I like your humor. It's cute."

* * *

_Cute? When is my humor cute? When was the last time I made a joke? Hell, I don't remember because I never made one! Cute. The pig 'Babe' was cute. Ellen Degeneres' humor is 'cute'. Dave Letterman's humor is 'cute'. Sara Sidle's humor is dry. Like a shriveled cactus in the desert sun. Not even that comment is cute. Okay, if this is the extent of her being nice and is part of the 'getting to know you more' phase. Then I guess I'll accept that my humor to her is so called cute. Really now, what's up with that?_

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"So?" 

"So...what now..."

"Sara..."

"I honestly haven't heard anything."

"Well, you will."

"Tell me who it is, Catherine."

"I can't. I promised."

"You promised not to tell who it is?"

"Yes."

"But you're telling me that someone..."

"...likes you but I can divuldge who."

"That's real peachy, Catherine."

"It is, isn't it?"

* * *

_Look at her smile so innocently. God, I so much want to kiss her. _

_And talk about irritation. Not knowing who it is, is going to bug me. It will bother me till I find out who in the world likes me. Why would anyone who knows me like me? Damn...is this why she's being nice to me? Is she being a bridge for someone?_

_Oh, well. I guess I'll enjoy the moment being close to her before my world crumbles down. Sure sucks a lot_.

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"Sara, you look cute when you pout." 

"I beg your pardon?"

"I said you look..."

"I know what you said. But why are you saying this to me?"

"Being cute and all?"

"Yes, Catherine. You're confusing me."

"And how am I doing that?"

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_True. How is she confusing me? Alright then. I don't do well with flattery. Four in a row is a lot. Calling me smart and talented, followed with beautiful and funny. Then she adds 'cute'. This is too much for me to handle. Is this what friends do to each other? Compliment and flatter each other? I guess so then. _

_I'm so behind times. I guess I should try it sometime._

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"I don't know. I'm not used to being complimented especially when it's coming from you, Catherine." 

"Well, I guess we should hang out more often so you'll get used to me complimenting you."

"If you're just being nice..."

"Sara, when I say something nice it's because I find something in you worth complimenting. Got it?"

"Ummm, sure."

"Sara..."

"I got it. I'm sorry, I'm just a bit.."

"...insecure?"

"Yes."

"Don't be, Sara. There are so many things in you that is so admirable. Your dedication and determination to name a few."

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_Dedication and determination. Now that's ironic. Six years of wanting her, that's dedication. And I'm determined for her not to find out. It would mess up our so called blooming friendship... Dedication and determination, yeah, that is me._

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**I like it coz you're reading it, it would make my day if you review it too!**


	4. Chapter 4

**disclaimer: same as usual... it's in chapter one**

i won't be able to update for awhile, my laptop is being fixed. so here i am at the campus library, supposedly studying for the upcoming exams.

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_Compliment. Think of someting to compliment her with. At least she won't be focused on flattering me. Think, think, think. _

_God, I can't think of anything! Alright, be spontaneous, Sara._

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"You have nice earings, Catherine." 

"What?"

"I said..."

"Uhhh, I'm not wearing any earings, Sara."

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_Oh, lord. I never knew blood could rush up your head in mere seconds. I feel like my head is going to explode! It would'nt matter to Catherine because she'll end up analyzing my blood splatter in her car. 'DEATH BY EMBARRASSMENT' that would be a great headline. God, talk about humiliation! If I had one wish, it would be to disappear from the face of this earth. The whole universe to be exact. No one would miss me... except for the lone jerk who so called likes me. Geez..._

_Why does she have to smile at me like like that? Does She know it makes me feel warm and fuzzy? Why am I getting myself into this? How much of an idiot can I be in one night?_

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"Try again, Sara." 

"What?"

"Your compliment. Obviously you're trying. So go, I'll be your guinea pig."

* * *

_Just be mine and I'll be fine. Just be mine and I'll be fine. _

_Just be mine and I'll be fine. Just be mine and I'll be fine._

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"Well, Sara?" 

"Huh?"

"You're staring at me again."

"Sorry. Ummm, okay. Hmmm... alright. How this, 'I'd like to run my fingers right now through your long, wavy, fiery hair.'"

"Come again?"

"Bad one. Shit. That blouse brings out more of your curvy figure."

"Well..."

"That jeans look like it's painted on you. Oh, god..."

"I guess.."

"That shade of lipstick makes you more kissable. Damn! I can't do this, Catherine."

"Sara..."

"You make me nervous!"

"I do?"

_

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Oh, god. I better shut up. She's probably thinking that I'm demented. Let alone a sick, horny person. _

_Why did I agree to this torture?_

_Now that is a very cute smile. Look at her toss her head back a bit and laugh. Wow..._

_So, I'm officially funny. This torture is all worthwhile then._

_But I better shut up now. Look away, look away. Avoid her eyes and all..._

* * *

"Sara, it's okay." 

"No, it's not."

"I didn't mean to make you nervous."

"Well, you do, Catherine."

"Really?"

"After six years, yes, you do still make me nervous."

"What?"

"I really, really need to shut up right now."

"Sara..."

"La, la, la, la, la, la ...can't hear you, I like this song. Turning the volume up."

"Sara, come on now..."

"Bam, ba, ram, bam...sha, la, la, la...shh ,hmm, da, da, da..."

"You obviously don't know this song. You're making up the words now. Come on, Sara. I didn't mean to..."

"I'm a quick learner. La, la, la, la, la...tra, la, la...and I can't hear you still."

"Oh, brother..."

* * *

_Pete's Bar! Finally! It's nearing midnight now. Still a couple of cars. One beer and I'm gone. Can't keep up with all this humiliation and embarrassment in one night. Hmmm...oh shit!_

_Damn! She's my only ride home! Very sneaky of Catherine. God, I have to hand it to her, she's full of surprises. Now I'm forced to stay with them! I really got to hand it to her, she knew that I'll be stuck. _

_So how long are we going to stay here? I can still hear the band playing. Happy hour not over yet? Geez... what's the curfew? God, I do need to go out more often, or I must be really getting old for not wanting to stay long at one of the best bars in the city. A six pack in my living room is all the company I have on my night offs. Soo here I am now. What a fine predicament I'm getting myself into._

_Good thing I'm off tomorrow._

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"Come on, Sara. I can hear the band play." 

"One drink only..."

"Sush! Don't be a spoil sport. Come on!"

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_Oh lord, she's taking my hand and leading me into the bar. I never imagined that her hands would be this soft and warm. I wonder how her hands would feel touching me? Would it be this warm still? Would her fingers feels tingly on my skin if she caresses me slowly? _

_Get a grip, Sara. She wants to be your friend. And friends should'nt think horny thoughts about their friends!_

_Unless..._

_They're as beautiful, sexy, captivating, bewitching, charming, fascinating as Catherine Willows._

_That's the exemption. That's my excuse, so I'm good to go._

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**reviews?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: All in the first...**

Thank you for your reviews. Really appreciate them big time!

really sucks using the library computer...any mistakes, all mine then. typing fast with other people breathing down my neck is not my forte.

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_Why is friday night always crowded even in ungodly hours? Alright, it's nearing midnight. Why is it called happy hour when it's obviously more that sixty minutes?_

_Why am I clutching her hand for dear life? Why am I afraid to let go? Why am I feeling good about this after all the embarrassments and humiliation I went through just driving here? God, I'm such a wuss!_

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"There they are!" Catherine points to the direction where Warrick and Greg were sitting. She calls out their names through the noisy crowd and loud music. Funny how they can hear her. The boys turn around and wave towards us. Catherine, still holding my hand pulls me to their direction. She turns around to me as we were nearing and says, "I just don't want to loose you in this crowd." Then she gives me this huge, beautiful smile. And there I was like a happy clam, grinning back like an idiot. At least I'll never get lost with her around. Ha! Ha! She held my hand! 

"So where's Nick?" I asked Greg as we sat in the booth. She sits opposite of me. Good, I get to look and stare at her again. Although my hand is missing her hand.

"What?" Greg asks. Geez... how can anyone hear with so much noise in here? The crowd, the live band, the booze, people walking sideways now, the long line to the bathroom, the smell of beer and cigarettes...wow! I've forgotten how relaxing this was.

"Nicky! Where's Nicky?" I scream back. He says something that sounded like 'beer' and points to the bar. I nod in 'okay'. Alright, seems like everything is going well. Maybe I...shit.

I see Warrick lean towards the woman of my dreams. Although I can't hear him, I know by the way his mouth moved he said, "Catherine, dance with me." I might have a future in lip reading. If it was Catherine's lips, I want to be educated here, right now. And I will be a star pupil.

_She looks at him and smiles, and offers her hand. No! No! No! No! No! God, my heart is screaming out! Don't you dare touch that soft, slender, porcelain hand that was mine a few minutes ago! Aww, damn... he's taking it. _

_I know that Warrick is bigger than me, but I absolutely think I can take him out. With all my anger and adrenalin pumping right now, I can toss him across the room. Besides, I don't think he'd hit a girl. So I have the advantage. Look at him grinning ear to ear. I hope his head rips open and she can see what a playboy he is. Maybe I can help rip him apart. Although I generally like Warrick, but right now he has become public enemy number one in my list. Look at them on the dance floor. _

_Oh, god, Catherine can really dance. Look at her dance! I know she did this for a living once but this is the first time I'm actually seeing her dance. Look at those hips move. Everything to the beat. Will those hips move like that if we make love? I am so filled with lust right now. And judging by the look on Greg's face I am not alone._

_Okay, I hate to admit it. Warrick can dance. I hope he trips, or bumps someone behind him whose way bigger than he is and punches the living daylights out of him or maybe steps on her toes or something. I should've taken dance lessons instead of signing for shop in high school._

_I see Nick trying to muddle his way through the crowd with bottles of beer in both hands. _

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"Hey, Sara! You made it. Here." 

"Hey, Nick. Thanks for the beer. Noisy tonight, huh."

"Yeah, isn't it great?"

* * *

_How can noise be great? Want to know which noise is great? The sound of a 2006 Aston Martin V1 Vanquish sports car. With a 6.0 liter, V12, 520 horse power engine that can achieve 11-mpg in the city. Now that's noise! That baby can purr! I have also had the oppurtunity to dust and print a Ferrari F430 Spider once. A Ferrari Spider! God, just laying my gloved hands on it's leather seats while dusting for prints feels like..._

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"Come on, Sara. Dance with me." She's back so soon? Did he step on her toes or something? Is her eyes really twinkling or is it the reflection of the strobe light? Whatever, she's beautiful and she's standing infront of me offering that same soft, slender hand. But the awful truth is coming... 

"Can't." I looked at her.

"Why not?" She places both of her hands on her hips, and looks at me. I feel like she's going to give me a lecture on how to act properly when inside a bar.

I take a swig of my beer, "Don't know how." Nick gives me a sympathetic look. Greg is still busy looking at the women pass by. And I see Warrick smile. God, I want to slap him!

"Come on, I'll show you. Its easy." She takes my hand, pulls me up from my secured sitting place and leads me to the middle of the dance floor. I look up and see the mirror ball twirling slowly, giving the dance floor the disco theme. Then there's different colored bulbs. I like the blue one, the red is okay, too. And couple of strobe lights near the band who is now starting to play a slow song. I am trying my best not to feel like a jerk in the middle of the dance floor. So looking at lights is my best shot of being civilized. Besides it gives me something to do while my feet are firmly planted, not even a tick or a muscle jerk could move me. I have no rhythm. God, I really pity myself at this very moment!

I stand there watching her as she moves to the music. I am mesmerized, hypnotized, spellbound, enthralled by her. I could do this forever. Just watching her. I've been doing it for six years so I'm making progress in the forever part. But now, watching her dance...god, everyone dissapears around her. And it's just her I see.

She leans closer, I can smell her faint perfume. Tresor perhaps? "Come on, I can't let you stand there like a totem pole. Feel the beat, sway to the music."

"Can't dance. Can't sway."

"Can't dance, can't sway. Sounds like a future book title. I bet if I gave you a monkey wrench, you'd feel more comfortable."

Now she's making me smile. I told you she's adorable.

"Here, turn around." She stands behind me, places both of her hands on my hips. I feel my skin get all tingly with such a simple touch. I breathe in deeply, afraid that my feelings would give me away. She whispers in my ear, "Feel the beat, sway to the music." How can I not describe that as one of the most erotic feelings I've ever had? I've had good dreams of her, and I tell you they were really, really good, if you know what I mean. But that's me talking horny. But now? Her whispering in my ear those simple words? It sure tops it off!

Good golly, talk about heat. I close my eyes and let her move me, body and soul. I'm slowly feeling the beat, I'm slowly swaying with Catherine Willows. Her hands firmly placed on my hips slowly slide inside my front pockets. I feel her body pressed against mine. I feel her warm breath on my neck. I don't know what to do with my hands. Maybe I can do the same. Do I dare reach behind me and slide my hands slowly in her pockets? Yes.

Oh, wow... I like this. I really do.

And both of us sway to the music. I feel her head rest on my back, I almost could feel her heart beat. Can she feel mine?

Feel the beat, sway to the music. Me and Catherine as one. So this is what they mean slow dancing in a crowded room.

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**reviews would be really nice. **


	6. Chapter 6

**disclaimer: all in the first...**

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It's funny how you wish a five minute song would last forever. And you wish it with all your might that you don't want the moment to end. I know I have these feelings for her, but tonight just made stronger. My heart is overflowing with emotions that I feel like crying. Because how much longer can I keep up with loving Catherine Willows?

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"Sara." 

"Hmmm..."

"Sara. Sara, honey..."

"Wha...?"

"You can let go of me, baby. They're finished with the song. They're going for a thirty minute break."

"Oh. I... I'm sorry, Catherine. I..."

"It's okay. This is your first dance."

"I... Catherine..."

"Hey. Are you okay? What's the matter, Sara?"

"Nothing."

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_How can you tell her that you don't want to let go of someone you've been secretly holding on to for six years? How can she not feel it?_

_Why me?_

I follow Catherine back to where the group was. Warrick was at the bar ordering more beers, Greg was talking to a blond near the entrance. Nick was staring open mouthed at us as we approached.

"Better close your mouth, Nicky boy." Catherine laughed as she slid into the seat. _How can she not feel it?_

"Damn, Cath. You and Sara, that was some hot dance there. If I didn't know you guys I'd think you two were lovers or something." Nick was shaking his head complete with a wide grin on his face. Catherine continued to giggle as she took another swig of her beer. "Yeah, right, Nicky," she laughs some more. At least she's having a good time.

_How can she not feel it? How can she sit there and laugh about it?_

Warrick approaches and places more beer on the table. I grab one and gulped it down. Hell, I need to get out of here.

"Whoa, Sara. Slow down. Slow down, honey." Nicky reaches for my hand and he looks at me with a concerned look. "Looks like you need some air, Sara. Come on, I'll go with you." He stands up and takes my hand. I nod in silence and stand up next to him.

"Are you okay, Sara?" Warrick looks at me worriedly. They all know my history with drinking, and downing a bottle of beer in one gulp is a sure sign of trouble. I look at him and smile, "I'm okay, War. I'm fine. The dance got me tired." From the corner of my eye I see Catherine staring at me. Why should she care?

I grab Nick's arm as he leads me out into the parking lot. He just stood there watching me pace back and forth.

* * *

"Sara." 

"Don't, Nicky. Don't."

"Sara."

"Please, Nick. Don't say anything."

"I can't shut up and watch you go through this."

I stop my pacing. Stood in front of him. What does he know? "What are you talking about, Nick?"

"You, Sara..."

"What about me?"

"You and Catherine."

"There's nothing going on between us."

"That's it."

"What?"

"That there's nothing going on."

"That's what I said, Nick."

"I know you, Sara. I know you."

"I don't follow..."

"You, Sara. Catherine doesn't know?"

"I..."

"We've been friends for so long. Like I said, I know you, Sara. And I really care what happens to you."

"Nicky..."

"Tell her."

"I can't. It scares me."

* * *

_Catherine scares me. Hell, she does. It scare me what she'll think of me. It scares me what she'll do to me. It scares me to think of her not being in my life. The thought of being rejected scares me. The thought of the humiliation afterwards scares me. Will she look at me the same way? _

Nick reaches out and takes me in his arms. "I don't need your pity, Nick." I say as tears start to run down. I tried to pull away from him but he held on.

"Sara," he whispers slowly, "don't loose hope, honey. Don't."

"How much longer can I keep on, Nick? It hurts like hell!" He strokes my hair as he holds me tight. He continues to whispers in my ear that everything will be okay. I wish I could believe him.

* * *

"Hey, what's going on?" Catherine approaches us slowly. She looks at me with a concerned look. Nick lets go of me. He starts to say something but nothing comes out. 

"Sara?" She comes up to me and lifts my chin up with her hand, "were you crying?" God, I hate it when she looks at me like that. Nicky puts both of his hands in his pocket and mumbles about something that he forgot inside. He gives me one last assuring look before he left me and Catherine alone.

I take a step back. She lets go of my face. "I'm okay, Catherine. Thanks for the concern." I started to walk away before she stops me. But it was too late. She grabs my arm and I spun around facing her again. "Sara, talk to me." She looks at me with her blue eyes. I can't help but stare at her once again. Then I remember another reason why I love her. Her determination, she just won't let it go.

"It's just been a long night, Catherine. Come on, let's go back in." I give her my number one smile. Maybe if I fake it she'll leave me alone.

She sighs and nods her head, "okay." But before I take another step, she holds my arm, "but don't think this isn't over, Sara. Because it isn't."

I stand there with my mouth open. She smiles as she walks past me.

Damn, what a predicament I'm in.

* * *

**I know it's a bit serious, I'm such in a bad mood. Must be weather related and the library. I'll be good next chapter.**


	7. Chapter 7

**disclaimer: check chapter one**

**Ha! ha! got my laptop back! thank you for all your kind reviews! **

* * *

_I watch her as she slowly walks away from me. She slightly turns her head, I still can see she's smiling. I'm trying to figure what this all means. Is she teasing me? No, it can't be. Hell, as much as I want to believe it, it's still hard to believe. Believe the unbelievable. Now that didn't make any sense to me. Not one thing tonight is making sense. Geez... nothing makes sense anymore. From her sudden friendship to this. It doesn't make sense. _

_God, look at her go. Am I imagining it or is there more hip swaying with the way she walks? I need to shake my head to make sure everything is real. Okay, she is just plain ding dong sexy. There's no other way to put it. Catherine Willows and the word sexy goes hand in hand._

_The sexy ever glowin' Catherine Willows. Wow! I think I just made up another stanza for the Willow tune that's in my head._

She suddenly stops halfway, turns around and puts her hands on her hips. She looks at me, "Sara, are you coming or not? Come on now!"

I half smile as I slowly walk towards her. She smiles back at me and extends her hand waiting for me to take it. I close my eyes for a second and take a deep breath as I take her hand. It is still warm and soft as it was before. I suddenly felt the same feeling I had earlier: comfort.

We walk hand in hand going in. And as we were nearing our table, she leans over and whispers to me, "I just didn't want to loose you in this crowd again." My grin widens. And I see Nick flashes his pearly whites, too.

* * *

'Hey, Catherine, care for one last dance before I go?" 

"Maybe next time, Warrick. I just want to rest for awhile."

"Okay. Hey, Sara, are you feeling better?"

"Yes, I am. Thanks for asking, Warrick."

"Well, I better head home now. Got an early shift to do."

"I'm coming with you, bro. Greg's over there. I call him."

"Nah, he's still making cutie pie talk with that blond. He can take care of himself, Nick."

"Alright then. Ladies, it's been a pleasure being with you two out here. See you tonight, Catherine?"

"I'm off, Nicky. I'll hang for awhile."

"Uh, I guess I can ride with you guys then."

"You're staying with me, Sara. I know you're off tonight."

* * *

Okay. That wasn't a statement, it was a command. I have no choice. Besides it's hard to say 'no' to Catherine. I know I've mentioned that somewhere earlier. Anyway, this is good for me, at least I'll be alone with her. Being alone with Catherine in a bar with fifty or so people is better than nothing. I'm glad Warrick is leaving, I'm glad she turned him down for another dance. I'm glad that...wait a minute. How did she know I'll be off tonight? Does she check my schedule, too? If she did, wow! She's checking me out! Or maybe she needs someone to drive her home just in case she drinks a little bit more. The latter does seem logical now. She's giggling more while drinking. So she's getting there. Oh, well, spending time watching Catherine slowly get drunk is better than spending time with a beer bottle watching reruns in my apartment. 

God, she's beautiful. Sure wish it were my lips touching her lips instead of that beer. She could take a swig of me anytime. She could down me like a straight shot I would not complain. She could drink me dry I would not complain. She could drum her fingers on my body like she's doing now with that bottle. Damn, I'm getting hot just watching her take a simple swig!

* * *

"I might melt, you know." 

"Huh?"

"With you staring at me like that."

"I didn't mean to stare again. It's just..uh...hmmm..."

"Sara, I really don't mind."

"...of me staring?"

"I'm used to it."

"You're used to it?"

"Are you surprised?"

"Very."

"Well, I'm used to people staring at me."

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"Uh...yes.'Oh'."

"Can I ask you a personal question, Sara?"

"How personal?"

"Personal."

"Umm. I'm not too comfortable with..."

"Sara, I just want a straight answer from you. Are you..."

"You want another beer? I'm getting another beer. You want? I'll get two. That okay? One for me and one for you. Need peanuts? I'll grab a bag. I'll ..."

"Okay, I'm not going to ask you now, Sara. So calm down."

"I'm calm as calm can be."

"You're rambling, Sara. It's too cute."

_

* * *

There she goes again. Cute. She finds it cute when I'm rambling. She finds it cute when I pout. What else does she find 'cute'? What's her definition of 'cute'?_

* * *

"So when you say 'cute' you mean..." I take a swig of my beer. 

"I mean adorable." Catherine winks at me. I cough and almost choke on my beer.

"I'm sorry." I wipe my mouth and chin with the back of my hand. She takes a napkin and offers it to me. I mumble a lame 'thanks' and wipe my mouth and parts of the table where I coughed up beer. Another point for being a clutz, putz- however you want to call it. She tosses her head back and laughs some more. I think she's drunk.

"Sara, you are priceless! I am so glad it's just us now. Maybe we can..."

"Hey, girls!" Damn. Here comes Greg grinning ear to ear like an idiot. Why didn't they just take Greg home? Why is he still here? Can he see me and Catherine are having a conversation? Actually it seems more like a comedy of errors. But hell, can't he see I'm being busy being cute, funny and rambling adorably towards Catherine? Oh, add clutz and putz...

"Hey, Greg! So where's the blond you were fawning on?" Catherine slaps his arm as she slides my way so Greg can sit. This is how close she is to me: our elbows are touching. Touching! So we're pretty close. Okay, Greg's coming over gets a few brownie points. I still want him gone. Out. Disappear.

_If I lean a bit towards her I can smell her conditioner. I wonder what she uses? Hmmm... smells so sweet. I could fill my entire lungs with this!_

"Sara? Sara. Hey, Sara!" Actually it was Greg's snapping of his fingers infront of my face that brought me out of my trance. Now both of them are smirking at me. Great, Sara. Just great. I have now upped my status as being the bar idiot. Hope both of them are drunk enough to forget this.

* * *

**Shout it out...I'm up for a sermon anyway.**


	8. Chapter 8

**disclaimer: I think it's somewhere in one of the chapters...**

* * *

Greg excitedly leans foreward, his eyes practically dancing, "Sara, I was telling Catherine about the blond I met earlier." 

I nod my head and smile. I'm not going to say anything, I don't want to encourage him to talk. I don't want him to tell me about the blond he met earlier. I'm not interested. I'm only interested with the strawberry blond who is sitting next to me. The strawberry blond whose elbow is touching my elbow. The strawberry blond who absolutely takes my breath away.

The strawberry blond who is now looking at me curiously because I am again staring at her and completely ignoring Greg and his enthusiasm. Funny he doesn't even notice that I'm not looking at him. Yup, mesmerized and again hypnotized by the strawberry blond whose elbow is touching my elbow. Damn, I'm sick.

Hell, I need another drink.

"I'm getting us another round of beer." I stand up and say it to no one in particular.

"I got to go home, I'm working later." Greg yawns and stretches as he stands up. Thank heavens for that. But I still need beer, because I said I was getting beer. So might as well. But I'm sure am glad Greg is leaving. I tug on his shirt, "walk you out?" Yup. I want him out. Now if possible.

"Sure." He bends down and mumbles something to Catherine. Then both look at me and smile. Whatever. I don't care. I need a drink.

"Come on, Greggo. Let's go." I look at him lazily. Catherine is still grinning at me. She drums her fingers on the table. I give her a quick smile. Damn, she's adorable. I do need a beer right now.

Greg follows behind me. I know he's talking about something but I keep on walking. I'm not in the mood to listen. I know it's rude to ignore him but I'm so preoccupied right now that I want him to go away.

"Sara, are you even listening?" He reaches for my arm and I turn around. He looks at me waiting for a reply. I mumble something knowing with the loud music he can't hear me. I smile sweetly at him, turn around and kept walking. He catches up with me as we near the door. He's still talking, still thinking I'm hearing him. If he keeps on yapping he'll never go away. Would it be too rude if I push him out the door?

I push the door open, feeling the cool breeze come in. Fresh air finally! The sound from the noisy bar slowly drowning out. He's halfway out the door when I caught the last few words, "...so that's what she thinks, Sara."

_What? She thinks what?_

Automatically I reach out for him, grabbing the closest thing which unfortunately is his collar and yank him back in. Which is a no-no because the door slams back on him, hitting his head. Greg falls backward. I tried catching him but since he's bigger than me he continues to fall on his butt.

He looks up at me furiously. "What the hell, Sara?!!"

Okay, I heard every word he said that time. My mind is is going on over drive thinking of what is the most clever thing to say. He stands up dusting his aching behind looking at me angrily. I'm so thankful I'm a girl because If I was a guy I know he'd punch me right here, right now.

I open my mouth to say something. A sincere apology would be really good right now.

"Beer." _Did I just say that?_

"What?" He looks at me incredulously. His eyebrows almost connect with one another.

Did I just say 'beer'? Damn! I can't believe I just said that! He spins around, pushes the door open and stomps outside. I rush out following him.

"Greg, wait! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to pull you! I just wanted to know...hell, I don't know, Greg. I'm so sorry. I truly am." That's the truth. I really feel bad for doing that to him. He's a dear friend and I'm dragging him into my insane world.

"Just tell her, Sara. Dammit! My butt hurts!" He get's in his car and starts the engine. I'm looking at him with my mouth open.

_Just tell her, Sara?_' Do they know something I don't? I always thought guys don't pick up subtle signals but maybe I'm wrong.

Or maybe...I'm that obvious??? Shit!

Greg rolls down his window, "I love you dearly but you're turning into a nut case, Sara. Just tell her, damn it! Before we all get hurt!" With that he drives off into the night. And here I am still standing with my jaw hanging. Damn...what in the world am I getting into?

* * *

**i know it's short, but i need to get back to studying.**

**so sock it to me...**


	9. Chapter 9

**disclaimer: i know i saw it somewhere around here...**_

* * *

I walk back inside the bar trying to decipher the earlier events. I'm feel like I'm in one of those movies where everything is in slow motion. I don't understand this at all. Sure, I'm in love with Catherine, and I thought I was the only one who knew this. Now comes Nicky, telling me to tell her. Then I find out Greg knows something about it too. Are guys like girls? That they gossip? I always thought they talked about sports or cars or whoever got laid. They're not suppose to be like us girls who just love to talk about what we feel. We have this so called need to 'share'._

Damn it! Nicky and Greg should mind their own business or just shut the hell up. What do they know what I feel? Are they aware how hard it is for me to go day by day seeing and working side by side with Catherine and not be able to tell her what my heart wants to shout out? No. How everytime I'm not with Catherine that my heart aches of emptiness, a void that she only can fill? No. How much I want to hold her and make her mine? No. So what the hell do they know?

_Men! You need them but can't stand them. _

_Might as go back in and get another dose of humiliation, embarrassment mixed with my so called cuteness. I'm on a roll tonight!_

_Sure does take awhile for the crowd to thin out..._

_

* * *

_

Damn! Who is that jerk hovering over her? What is he doing? I go out for a few minutes and now there is a jerk making kissy faces at her!

Is that a wine bottle and glass? Why is he trying to offer her a glass of wine? He thinks my beers are cheap? Hell, I'm only a government paid CSI. Who dares to come near my beloved? I may be Sara Sidle, the brooding CSI chick but I know a thing or two about kicking people where it hurts. I got my heavy boots on, and I'm not afraid to use it! Plus I got two beer bottles to whack him with it.

Damn! What the hell am I turning into?? It may be the two beers taking effect on me or I'm a freaking psychopath in the making!

* * *

Sara! So is Greg okay?" She beams when she sees me slide and sit next to her in the booth. She squeezes my arm, I grin at her. Yes, I'm ready to protect my lady love from that good looking hunk of a weirdo whose probably trying to pick her up. I turn my attention to him and look directly in his eyes. I hope he can see my dagger looks with all the strobe lights flashing around us. He's smiling at me. Okay, they need to turn the main lights on so he can see I'm giving him the death stare.

"Well, your lady friend is back." He flashes his perfect porcelain pearly whites towards Catherine's direction. With the stobe lights it almost look like it's glowing. God, I hate him already. He looks my way and bends a little, "just keeping your beautiful friend company till you got back." I nod at him but refuse to smile. I think I can almost see my reflection in his teeth. When is he leaving? He looks at Catherine then at me. Both of us are not making a peep or a sound. How long will it take him to get the hint that he's not wanted?

He finally staightens out is shirt, probably Armani, better yet an imitation of it. "Well, I best be going then." He picks up the extra wine glass and as he turns away he nods in my direction and whispers, "you're very lucky." And with that the man walks away. My death stare works. Good.

_Wait a minute... what does he mean I'm very lucky? _

Catherine squeezes my arm, preventing me to process my thoughts. I can't help it if a touch from her makes me feel all fuzzy and warm. She leans closer and whispers in my ear, "come on, it's just the two of us now. They're announcing their last song. Let's dance." I cannot tell you how sexy that whisper is. Her closeness- the feeling of her body touching mine, the faint scent of her perfume, the tingly feeling of her warm breath in my ear. All I could do is let out a breath of air. For a moment I even forgot to inhale. My heart is pounding so loud I can hear it. Damn, I'm so turned on. Who wouldn't? Okay, I'm the only one allowed.

She stands up and takes my hand. I really need to breathe because everything is dimming around me.

God, the effects of being in love is so beautiful.

I follow her to the dance floor, not many of us are left. She puts her hands on my shoulder and locks her fingers behind my neck. I'm practically looking down at her, our faces inches apart. I automatically put my hands on her tiny waist. Golly, she's so soft to touch!

She smiles at me. "Their last song is always special, so they're dimming the lights." I still like my version of everything is darkening around me because I'm holding the woman of my dreams. That is what I will tell my offsprings, it's more romantic that way. Now if they turn on their smoke machine, it'll be like dancing in heaven with an angel.

The band starts to plays a slow song. I look at her in hesitation, "Catherine, I don't know how..."

"Shhh...close your eyes, Sara. You'll be fine." And I follow what she says. I close my eyes and let her take over me.

I let her take over me...

Take over me...

Please, make it forever.

_

* * *

I close my eyes and hung on to her. It's just me and her. This is what I always dreamed of. Me with Catherine Willows. I never thought this would happen to me. I never expected to fall so much in love. It scares me a lot. This feeling of being so much in love hurts. Being next to her, holding her, laugh, joke and smile with her hurts. Not able to convey my feelings for her hurts. Okay, I get it now: Love does hurts. A wanted and much needed beautiful feeling that hurts like hell. _

Loving Catherine Willows hurts.

I always look back on the first time I started falling for her, my logical response back then was to walk away. Move. Transfer. This would interfere with my work. I always told myself that. And I was prepared to leave. Several times I have typed my resignation. Each time I toss it away thinking that it's only a phase I'm going through, that I'll get over it. Several times I stand infront of Grissom's office with words inside my head on why I need a transfer. But I never go in. Several times I stop by her office to say goodbye, to see her for one last time before I walk away. And every time I end up knocking on her door, saying a simple 'Hi'... never a goodbye. Days turned into weeks, then into months and into years. And six years after, I am now so afraid of leaving because I know I won't be able to live without her. The fear of not being near Catherine scares me. Just the thought of it tears me inside. Catherine is so much a part of me. A part of who I am, what I am, of what I will become.

What a fine predicament I'm in.

* * *

We dance to the slow beat.

My hands tighten around her waist. I'm so much over come with these emotions. I can't take it and I can't even say it.

* * *

"Catherine..." 

"Shhh. You're doing just fine, Sara."

"Cath..."

"I got you, Sara. You're okay. I got you."

"Catherine.."

"Shhhh..."

* * *

I feel hot tears running down my face. I'm glad for the dimmed lights, she won't be able to see what a weakling I am. What a weakling I so much am! 

I open my eyes slowly. And I stare at the face whose eyes are closed. A face I so memorize that I know every detail. I mouth out an 'I love you', knowing she will never know how much I want to say it to her out loud.

She suddenly smiles at me.

_No, she couldn't have heard me. No way. Her eyes are still closed. She couldn't have seen me say it._

_No freaking way._

_So why is she smiling???_

* * *

**so okay. how did I do? receiving reviews is a better high for me than eating the frostings on the cake.**

**just a bit longer...my christmas gift to you all.**


	10. Chapter 10

**disclaimer: somewhere around here...**

**thank you for all your reviews.**

* * *

"Sara?" 

"Don't."

"Are you crying?"

"No."

"You're crying."

"I said I'm not."

"You said 'no'."

"Same thing."

"Spelled differently, Sara."

"Stop it."

"You got any more negative words in store?"

"Nope."

"That's new."

"I know."

"Now that's different, Sara."

_I can't help but smile at this angel I'm holding, afraid of letting go because I might wake up from this dream and she'll be gone._

_My forever secret angel. And here we are on the dance floor and I'm hoping against hope that the song will never end._

"You're crying, Sara."

"Not."

Well, okay then. You were crying."

"Had something in my eye."

"... aside from tears?"

"Something got in my eye."

"In the middle of the dance floor, while you're eyes were closed..."

"Catherine, just drop it, okay?"

"Can't."

"And why?"

"Because I want to catch it."

"What?"

"You heard me, Sidle. Come on, I need another drink before we go."

* * *

_And that was that. As much as I'm trying to understand all that has been happening, I just can't. _

I follow her back to our table. She's still holding my hand. There is something deep inside me that is telling me something is happening, but of course, I just leave it there. Buried.

I've held on to the hope that there would be something more, but that was years ago. And nothing has happened. So why all of the sudden I'm being hopeful again?

Maybe?

Not.

Maybe not.

Ah, hell...

* * *

We sit down on our booth, she picks up her beer and takes a swig. "You're driving?" 

I smile. It's a statement, but she has to ask anyway. Very cute. "You want me to drive, Catherine?"

"Well, since you're offering to drive, I'll take another beer. It's been a long time since I've had a girl's night out like this. And you're good company." She grabs my beer and places it in her imaginary territory. That would be her fourth if she finishes both of our beers. I guess this is her way for me to stop drinking before I go over board. In a way it is sweet of her.

I sit back and watch her take another drink from her half empty bottle. I like the way how the tip of the bottle touches her lips, she does it in a very sexy way. She slowly lifts the bottle midway and I watch the fluid from the bottle run through. Then she closes her eyes. I can tell by the movement of her neck how much she's taking in.

One...two...three...four. Four swigs. Damn! The lady knows her beer!

She puts the bottle down slowly, wipes her lips with the back of her hand.

Oh, I tell you, only Catherine can make drinking so sexy.

* * *

"Why am I so interesting, Sara?" 

"Pardon?"

"You keep on staring at me."

"I already told you why."

"Because you wonder..."

"Right."

"Well, do you know what I wonder about, Sara?"

_Oh, god...I'm not ready for this._ "Uh, you really don't have to finish the other beer."

"I want to. Plus I need to talk to you."

"Uhhh...You can just tell me not to drink it and I wont, Catherine."

"I know."

"Well then, thanks anyway."

"You know I do care what happens to you, Sara."

"Really?"

"Yes. We're friends. Friends care for each other."

_Ouch. That stings. Friends. How can one word be so dissapointing?

* * *

**okay, let 'er rip. i'm open to comments, suggestions, hello's, reviews...** _

**_Happy holidays, too._**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I take the first...**

**since some of you felt the sting of Sara being called a friend... **

* * *

"You seem dissapointed, Sara." 

"I...never mind."

"Tell me why."

"It's nothing."

"There's never a 'nothing' with you, Sara. It's always something."

"How would you know?"

"I know."

"No, you don't."

"Trust me on this, Sara. I know you more than you think."

"Huh?"

"We've known each other for more than six years now. You try to build a thick wall around you but I still see you."

"I don't..."

"I know what makes you tick, Sara."

"Really?"

"A woman knows what a woman wants."

"Catherine, I..."

"And I know when something's wrong. So tell me."

"If you know me that much, then you know I won't answer that."

"I know. But it's worth a shot asking, isn't it?"

* * *

She leans back and smiles at me. I can't help but smile back at her. Catherine Willows. Always a wonder. 

She picks up the last beer and slowly twirls it around. We sit there for a few seconds in silence, our eyes on the bottle. "You don't have to drink that, Catherine. We can go now. The bar is almost closing anyway. Come on, just leave it and let's go."

She picks up the bottle and places it near her chest. She smiles mischieviously, "make me."

"I know you don't want to drink that. You already reached you limit. Come on." I stand up and offer my hand.

She leans further back. The bottle almost touching her lips. "Make me." God, she better stop whispering!

Well, two can play the game. I smile and slowly reach for the bottle. She scoots to the other side of the table and takes a swig. A long swig. A gulp. Whatever you want to call it. If I leave her alone she's going to swallow the whole damn bottle!

"Catherine, stop it!" I reach out trying to grab the beer before she actually finishes it. And I tell you, she will if I don't snatch it from those sexy lips.

She extends her free arm blocking me while she's drinking. So I really, really need to get it from her. "Catherine Willows! Give it to me!" I spin around reaching for it across the table and grabbed it. Good golly, she almost finished it!

So here I am, half of my body across the table with a beer bottle in hand. And there is Catherine Willows with a lopsided grin, blinking slower. Okay, she's officially drunk. But what a beautiful drunk she is.

Then she cups my face with her hands. Hands that are amazingly warm and soft against my cheeks. Making my insides burn, feeling the blood rush up to my brain.

She leans a bit foreward, making us inches apart. And she looks me in the eye.

_Oh, god..._

_I'm not ready for this..._

_

* * *

_**_it's christmas, so please be kind_ ; p**


	12. Chapter 12

**disclaimer: don't own squat of CBS nor CSI:VEGAS. just love the show to pieces.**

**p.s: thank you for all your reviews.

* * *

**

Catherine smiles mischeviously and whispers, "what the hell is wrong with you, Sidle?"

_Now that question is making me think. But it is so hard to try and concentrate when someone beautiful is inches away cupping my face in her palms. All I can do is stare at her deep sea blue eyes and watch the movement of her lucious lips, lips so close to mine. My instincts tells me to close the gap and kiss her. But this is Catherine Willows were talking about. And if Catherine claims to know me, how much more of me knowing her? I've been watching her for more than six years and yes, I do know the woman. And this woman does not play around._

_So what the hell is wrong with me?_

Ah, hell.

* * *

"Catherine..." 

"...that's me, baby."

"Catherine, I..."

"...do ya know how beautiful you..."

"I need to talk to you, Catherine."

"I said do you know...hmmm...what was I saying?"

"You're drunk."

"Am I that obvious? Ha! Ha! Ha!"

"Uh, come on, we got to go..."

"Sidle, you gotta nice soft face. Nice and soft. What's soap do you use?"

"Catherine, you're drunk. Let go of me first."

"Not till you me what's your soap is."

"What?"

"You're soft, Sara. Very soft. What do you use? Did I ask you that already? Can't remember..."

"Catherine, you're drunk. We have to..."

"...better yet, lemme guess..."

"What are you...?"

"Shhh... lemme guess."

* * *

_She leans foreward, my face still cupped in her hands. She brushes her cheek against mine as she nuzzles her nose near my neck. She takes a deep breath. Oh, lord all mighty..._

_Now tell me something, my brain is telling me to stop her. But my body tells me to let her. Which should I obey?_

_You got it. The mind is willing but the flesh is weak. Yup, there are truths in these old sayings._

_Who is their right mind would want to stop Catherine from doing that?_

_So if anyone does come close to us while she is busy figuring what soap I use, I will kill them. I really, really mean it._

_Dead serious about. It's not everyday that I get a drunk Catherine sniffing me._

_

* * *

_"You smell good, Sara." 

"Uh...thanks. Catherine, we need to go. And I need to talk to you."

"Did I tell you, you smell good?"

"Yes, you have. As much as I like what you're doing, you have to let go."

"Oh? You like this...?"

"Oh, lord, please stop that, Catherine..."

"...mmm. And this, Sara?"

"Oh, god, Catherine..."

* * *

_Officially? Everything is now darkening around me. I know it's not the lights, but it's the lack of oxygen. I'm slowly forgetting how to breath._

_Who wouldn't? Catherine is actually breathing slowly across my neck! Her lips actually brushing against my ears. _

_Do you know what that feels like? Talk about being turned on! Talk about the tingly feeling running up and down my spine! Talk about starting to sweat in so many places you normally don't! Talk about my knees feeling weak! Talk about getting aroused by the second! Talk about unable to think straight!_

_Oh, lord...I so much want to pin her down right here, right now, rip her clothes off and make mad love to her!_

Reality check: We're still in the bar.

_But it's Catherine!_

Reality check: People around are starting to notice us.

_But it's Catherine!_

Reality check: She's drunk.

_But it's Catherine!_

Reality check: She most likely she doesn't even know what she's doing.

_But it's..._

Damn! Why does that little voice in your head always win?

* * *

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I slowly put the empty bottle down on the floor. And with all the strength that I could muster in me, I slowly reach out for her hands and pull them gently away from my face. I back down from the table and look at her. 

Why in the world do we have to listen to the little inner voice telling us what's the right thing to do?

Damn conscience...

* * *

**_ let's hear it..._**


	13. Chapter 13

_**

* * *

disclaimer: check chap 1 and 12.**_

* * *

She whispers softly as I pulled away, "What the hell is wrong with you, Sidle?" 

"Good question. I don't know, Catherine. But right now I need to bring you home." I walk around the table and help her up. I put my arm around her waist as she leans on me.

We slowly make it across the empty dance floor, then towards the exit. I open the door slowly and help her out. We make it through the parking lot in silence.

I open her purse and take her keys out. Slowly opening the passenger's side and helping her in. I come face to face with her again as I reach over to strap her seatbelt, she touches my arm lightly and again askes me, "what's taking you so long, Sara?"

What's taking me so long to strap a silly seat belt? Hell, how should I know?

_What is wrong with me? Here I am having my chance but I dare not say anything for having this fear. Fear of losing her forever._

_So I say nothing. Better than saying something I might regret forever._

_Losing Catherine is not worth it._

_So I smile at her, making sure she's all buckled up. I go in and start the car. She leans back and closes her eyes._

* * *

A few minutes later, she laughs. 

"What's funny, Catherine?"

"I had a good time. You?"

"I did, too."

"I'm glad."

"Me, too."

"Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?"

"Maybe later..."

"What, Catherine?"

"I feel so sleepy..."

"Did I mean what?"

"...hmm..."

"Catherine?"

"...mmm..."

"Catherine?"

* * *

_Did I mean what? What did I say? What does she mean? Damn it! _

_Did I say something earlier?_

I glance her way and she is sound asleep. She's a little turned to my direction and I can really get an excellent view of her asleep. She is beautiful. She really is.

_And I need to let you know I didn't fall for her because of her looks. Okay, let's say I did first notice her because of her looks. Who wouldn't find her attractive? Catherine is drop dead gorgeous!_

_I like it when she breezes in the break room before our shift starts and make herself a cup of coffee. She'd stir it slowly, closes her eyes as she inhales it's aroma. This is her routine when she comes in. At first I enjoy watching her do that, then slowly I found myself coming in early looking foreward for her to come in. Just to do that simple thing: make coffee. Because it was just damn sexy!_

_I then imagine how it would be making love to the great Catherine. Her eyes slowly close as I kiss her lips. I'd watch the rising of her chest as I slowly caress her body ...and wait for her to take a deep breath before I take her. So you see what goes in my head everytime she makes coffee. It's just her making coffee and my thoughts turn horny. I got it bad, don't I?_

_Soon I found myself staring at her, watching her. What she wore, what she did, how she walks by, how she waves her hand and smiles when she greets someone. Occassionally that someone is me. And occassionally I don't respond because I'm stuck at staring at her. Often times I find my mouth hanging open when I gawk at her. _

_Okay, I guess that's bad. But when she comes to work wearing tight jeans showing off her perfect curves, a fitted blouse with two buttons from the top open that dares you to sneek a peek...your mouth would hang open, too. So I am within reason to drool._

_Seriously now, I slowly got to know her. How she works, her determination. Her fussiness with the evidence, how she scrutinizes everything. And if she finds something she missed during examination, she get's right on it. It's also cute how she cusses under her breath. _

_She doesn't take crap from anyone. May it be Ecklie or Grissom, the sheriff, mayor or governor. I don't even think she's afraid of the president! Hell, she's not even afraid of her father, Sam. She will give them a piece of her mind before they can silence her. This is a lady who is not afraid to speak her mind at all. Catherine has to have the last word. Always. Always. Always. And it is fun watching her do that. She will take you head on. Yes, she is not afraid of anyone. Yes, Catherine is cool under pressure._

_And that is what scares me. She is not afraid of anything or anyone._

_Another one of my little predicaments: I'm afraid what she can do to me._

* * *

I park her car in her garage. I know Lindsey is either asleep inside with Catherine's mother or she's spending the night with her aunt Nancy. I just need to bring her in quietly and maybe call a cab to pick me up. I dare not spend the night here because of what she might say when she comes to her senses in the morning. 

So I slowly open the passenger's door. Damn, I hate to wake her up when she's sitting there peacefully asleep. I wish I could sleep that peacefully. I wish I could stop having nightmares for the images of my parents fighting, or my mother stabbing my father.

Even for just one night, I wish I could sleep as peacefully as she can.

* * *

"Catherine..." 

"...mmm..."

"Catherine, we're home."

"...mmm..."

"Wake up, honey, we're home now."

"...hmmm..."

"Come on, let me help you up."

"...what...?"

"Honey, we're home now. Come on."

"Sara..."

"Yes, I'm here. Let me help you out."

"Hello again, Sara..."

"Hello again, Catherine. Come on now."

"Hey, honey. Didn't we have fun? Told you so."

"Yes, you did. Slowly now, baby. There..."

I slowly help her get out of the car and stand up. She leans heavily on me as she puts her arm across my shoulders. She looks at me lazily and smile. I put my arm around her waist as we walk towards the door.

_

* * *

And this is where my little story begins._

"Easy does it, Catheine. We're almost there."

"Sara, I'm glad you came. Thank you, thank you, thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Wasn't it fun?"

"Yes, it was. Come on, few more steps."

"Told you it would be fun."

"Yes, you did, Catherine."

"Had to bitch you first."

* * *

I smile as I open her door. The room is dark when we entered so I had to feel the wall with my free hand for a switch.

Several seconds later and still unable to feel a switch, we stand in the darkness. I hear her cuss under her breath and whisper, "amateurs... here, let me do it."

Then she swings in front of me, pinning me against the wall. She flips the switch on which was right behind my ear. I squint till my eyes adjust to the light. And I'm looking directly at her. She's standing in front of me, inches apart, me against the wall. and her hand still on the switch. And there it is again: the lopsided grin.

I am now feeling so uncomfortable. Really, really, totally, majorly, super duper uncomfortable. The temperature in here is cool but I know I'm starting to perspire. Am I breathing right? I don't know. Maybe I still am but I can't feel my lungs taking in oxygen. Talk about nerves!

_This so not tonight..._

* * *

"Catherine..." 

"And Sara, yes?"

"No. Damn, I'm sorry. Yes, me. Shit..."

"Why are you so suddenly nervous?"

"You're there..."

"Should I be somewhere else?"

"No, no. You're...here."

"Hmmm...my house. Yes, I should be right here."

"You're awake..."

"You like it better when I was asleep?"

"Yes. No! I mean...damn! I mean. I don't know. Are you..."

"... still drunk?"

"Kinda..."

"I guess I half am if I'm this close to you."

"Oh."

"Just 'oh', Sara?"

"Okay then."

"Cute."

"I'm not comfortable..."

"Oh? You don't like this?"

"I do. Damn! I mean I'm..."

"...nervous?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Maybe this'll help."

* * *

She turns off the light. 

_Oh, lord almighty..._

* * *

**It's not really a cliffhanger...**

**Reviews are always welcomed.**

**Happy New Year to all!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: First/ twelveth**

**plus misspellings are all mine**

**futureCSI101, thanks for insisting... **

**and thank you for all your reviews...plus a happy new year to all!**

* * *

She whispers softly, "do I have to do everything, Sara?"

* * *

_Let me see, we're in the a pitched darkroom. She's leaning on me. Our bodies touching. I can feel her breathing. So it's safe to assume she can feel me breathing, too. I should say I'm breathing a bit to faster and deeper than normal. I also have to mention my heart is like that of a racing horse on it's final lap. If she let's go of me I know I will slide down like jelly. And be like a puddle of water on her feet. So here I am holding myself up with sweaty palms leaving marks on her wall._

_I'm trying to process what's whizzing by in my brain. But it is a difficult task to concentrate right now. Who can? _

_I've dreamed this before: being pinned against the wall, with or without lights on but minus the clothing. But again that's what I imagine before I sleep sometimes. Now it's half a reality._

_I always imagined myself as being calm and cool if this occassion ever arises, more likely being in control. But again in my dreams. It shouldn't happen! Dreams are dreams, what we wish and hope for. This is freaking reality!_

_Me and Catherine. In her house. I'm pinned up against a wall. Oh, yeah, I mentioned this along with all my whining._

_Why the hell am I complaining?_

_Guess I'm nervous. Because this shouldn't happen. It shouldn't at all. Six years. Six long years, and my dreams should not become a reality overnight!_

_So you should understand what a predicament I'm in._

* * *

"Is Lindsey asleep?" 

"Yes, at my sister's. We have the house to ourselves. So, Sara?"

"Catherine..."

"Right here, baby."

"I..."

"Again, what's taking you so damn long?"

"Pardon?"

"Stop playing dumb, Sara. You heard me."

"I...don't...know..."

"Well?"

"It's... dark."

"That happens when the lights are off, Sara."

"I know...I mean..."

"Again, do I have to do everything, Sara?"

"Oh, god..."

"Haven't reached that level yet but thank you."

"Catherine..."

"Damn it, Sara. What do I have to do?"

"Huh?"

"Do I have to do this?"

* * *

_And with that I felt her body lean more into mine. I felt her hand gently touch my face as her lips meet mine. It was the most softest kiss I've ever experienced coming from the most incredibly soft lips. It lasted for a few seconds but to me it felt like an eternity. All I could remember is the feeling of belongingness._

* * *

"Well?" 

"Catherine..."

"Still here, Sara."

"I... I'm...confused."

"About what?"

"This."

"Well, then let me do it again. Slowly this time. Maybe it'll register."

"Cath..."

"Shhh..."

* * *

Again in the dark I feel her lips touch mine. Again, I'm feeling that incredible wave of security. 

My hands reach out and find it's way to her waist. I pull her closer making sure she's real. I feel her other hand slowly caress the back on my neck, slowly making it's way upward. I feel her fingers tangle through my hair. God, I love it! Her tongue teases my lower lip, seeking entrance. I part my lips giving her full access, thus deeping our kiss.

I hear her moan into the kiss but then again maybe it's me. It seems my senses are working on overdrive.

_Have you ever felt a moment in your life where time stands still? Where everything felt so right. Everything felt in place. A feeling of finally coming home. Being right where you belong. Right here, right now._

_Well, this is my moment._

_My moment in time._

* * *

She pulls back ending our kiss. I automatically arch toward her wanting more. 

She whispers. "Sara, wait."

Catherine flips on the light. I blink trying to focus again at the sudden brightness around us.

Then I see her smug grin with her one eyebrow cocked up.

"Well?" She asks me.

"Well..."

"Well what, Sara?"

"Twice..."

"What are you talking about?"

"I liked it both times, Catherine."

"You liked it both times?"

"Loved it actually."

"You're sweet, Sara."

"No, you're the one whose wonderful."

"Ah, flattery might get you somewhere."

"May I add that you're beautiful then."

"Wow! you really don't want to waste time, huh."

"You really are, Catherine."

"Then tell me something new."

"I always wanted to kiss you."

"Really?"

"Yes, for six years now."

"For... six years?"

* * *

_Now she takes a step back and looks at me with an arched eyebrow, head slightly cocked to one side. I bet a dollar she's confused as hell with that kind of look in her face. And it isn't that often she is. So this is a new treat for me. I don't move from where I am because if I did I know my knees won't hold me up. So I just look at her. Actually watch her expression. Three expressions. From confusion to shock then to amazement._

* * *

"Six years, Sara? Six years?" 

"Well, six years, three months, four days and...uhhh...okay, make that five days and two hours and twenty seven minutes since it's past midnight and the time is..."

"Two twenty seven in the morning. You've kept tract?"

"Uhh... yeah. Had nothing else to do."

"Wow, Sara."

"Funny, huh."

"No. But...six years, Sara?"

"Yes. You look amused, Catherine."

"No, no. It's really sweet, Sara. Really sweet. But I have to ask."

"Anything, Catherine."

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU WAIT SO LONG!?"

* * *

_Okay. Didn't expect that_.

* * *

**reviews are cool.**

**got one more chapter left...**


	15. Chapter 15

**disclaimer: See the first.**

**And to all who have read and reviewed: THANK YOU!**

* * *

_Last time she raised her voice at me was earlier this month. It was a case of ours. I wanted to burn the midnight oil to look for more evidence, she wanted to go early because of 'an appointment'. I kind of muttered under my breath a "don't want to be late for a freaking date" thing. She heard it. And she raised hell. That I deserved because it was uncalled for. I wanted to make a retort but I held my tongue. I was actually jealous of the guy she was meeting. Okay, I feel like ripping apart all the guys she dates._ _All the guys who get to kiss her good night. All the guys who break her heart. All the guys who are only after her beauty. All the guys who cannot see what I see in her. That's why they're jerks._ Capital J E R K S. 

_I later found out she had to pick up her uncle from the airport. Sure made me feel like an ass._

_So sue me._

_But with Catherine you'll never know what's coming or what you're getting. Come to think of it, she has been asking me this question several times through out the night. What's wrong with me, what's taking me so long...and I thought about the seatbelt. Really lame... how dense can I get?_

_All this time, and now it's just hitting me. God, the patience she must of have waiting for me to answer! Then it ends up that I have no definite answer why it's taking me so long. Except that I'm afraid of losing her. And from there stems all these excuses on why I never acted upon what I've been feeling for the past six years._

_One of them is the fact she dated men, okay let me rephrase that: they're jerks. So it was safe for me to assume she's not attracted to women. Well, that theory is slowly going down the drain. Another excuse of mine is: I've never been attracted to women before till I met Catherine. Like I said I thought this attraction would go away but it just kept getting stonger till... I fell in love with her._

_Okay, I'm admitting that I'm in love with her, so get back in your seats._

_Another reason: I'm Sara Sidle, who in their right mind would be attracted to me? Some doomed ill fated men I guess but certainly not a woman like Catherine Willows. I can go unnoticed in a crowded hallway, for heaven's sake. Hell, I even get pushed to the back in an elevator! But not Catherine. Everyone stops what they're doing when she walks in. I'm invisible, she is noticable._

_I guess she really needed to ask me that out loud. Okay, yell at me. She sure startled me. Yeah, I needed that, a wake up call. Hell, ten years could have gone by and I probably would not say a peep._

* * *

She takes another step back, both hands on her waist. I wish my hands were on her waist again, pulling her close. Kissing her like there's no tomorrow. Hmmm...when can we do that again? Since I still cannot feel my lower limbs, maybe she can follow me as I crawl my way over to the couch which is a few feet away. I guess that would be a turn off and would top off the night of me being an idiot. So I guess I'll continue to lean on the wall till I can move my toes. 

Okay, she's crossing her arms across her chest now. Was I suppose to answer that question? Like,_ now_??

_I wonder what would happen if I turn off the light?

* * *

_

"Don't you dare touch that switch, Sara Sidle!"

"I wasn't going ..."

"Oh, you think I can't see you trying to move near it?"

"I wasn't mov..."

"I'm not that drunk, Sara. "

"I didn't say..."

"I know perfectly well what I'm doing and what you're doing."

"I wasn't doing any..."

"Stop glancing at the couch. We're not sitting till I get an answer."

"I'm not looking..."

"Well, Sara?"

"I..."

"Well?"

"Uhh..."

"Sara, stop looking at your shoes."

"I..."

"I what, Sara?"

"I...I'm...Catherine, please. I'm not...ready."

"Six years and you're not ready? Six damn, long years?"

"Cath..."

"You've wanted to kiss me for six freaking years and when we do, you're not ready? What the...?"

"SHUT UP!"

"Excuse me?"

"I LOVE YOU! I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU! I'VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH YOU! THERE!"

"Oh..."

"OH? NOW YOU JUST SAY 'OH', CATHERINE?!"

"You don't have to shout, you know."

"And you do?"

"...my house, Sara..."

"Oh." My bad.

* * *

We stand there facing each other. The only movement we're making is our own breathing. It seems like hours even though it's less than a minute.

* * *

"Come on let's sit." She motions me to follow her to the couch. 

_I move my toes to make sure they're still there. Okay. I take slow steps to the couch. She pats the side where she wants me to sit which is next to her. I take a deep breath before I plop down. We both lean back and sit in silence. I drum my fingers on my thighs._

"Stop that, Sara."

"Huh?"

"The drumming of your fingers."

"This?"

"Yes, that. It's irritating."

"How so?"

"Hell, I don't know. Just stop."

"Okay."

_More silence. God, I can even hear myself think! Should I say something? Like what? Compliment her? I suck at that. It's her house, she should go first. Maybe say something nice about her house. Like what? The walls are evenly painted? It's good she uses flourescent lights? What kind of security alarm she uses? Damn. I'm a guest she should say something first._

"Sara, I..."

"I need water. You want water? Can I get water?"

"Sit down, Sara."

"Okay..."

"How come you never said anything?"

"Look at me, Catherine. I'm..."

"I have been looking at you, Sara. For months now."

"You...have?"

"Yes."

"Uh, you're the someone who has a thing for me? You?"

"The one and only me."

"Can I ask something?'

"Sure, Sara."

"Why? You're Catherine Willows, you can have anyone you want."

"And you're Sara Sidle. And it's you I want."

"Why? Why would you want me?"

"Sara..."

"I mean, you can understand me wanting you because you're Catherine Willows. Only a fool wouldn't want you. But for you to want someone like me...is just plain nuts!"

"Then I'm nuts for you."

"Okay... but still... WHY ME?"

"You just grew on me."

"Like warts..."

"Sara..."

"I don't understand you, Catherine..."

"Hold on now. It's you I don't understand. You've wanted me for six years but yet you said nothing, Sara. Nothing."

"Well..."

"Why wait so long?"

"Fear."

"Fear? Of what?"

"Losing you. What you might do to me. Rejection. Humiliation. We're women. Plus, I've never really been in love till now. So there's the fear."

"Sara..."

* * *

I stand up and I walk towards the window. She walks and sands beside me. She touches my arm lightly. I point to the street outside.

* * *

"I'm afraid ending up like that." 

"What do you mean?"

"All alone, in the dark. Like the street, deserted."

"I'm here, Sara."

"For how long, Catherine?"

* * *

She turns me around and I'm facing her once again. But her looks are softer now, more of fragile-like. I can see tears welling up in her eyes. Then she says the most simpliest word that gives meaning to everything I've always searched for. One word that can be a lifetime. 

But still... this is Catherine.

* * *

"Forever." 

"Catherine, don't. If you don't mean it, don't."

"Why do you doubt me?"

"Honestly?"

"Go ahead."

"You don't... stay long with...one person."

"They always wanted one thing."

"Well, I only want one thing from you."

"Oh, god. Is it sex, too?"

"Nooo..no, no, no. I just want...you. Just you. Not sex. I'd rather make love with you. Wake up with you. Argue and make up with you. Just be with you, hold you forever, if... possible."

* * *

_This is where she pulls my collar down, reaches out and kisses me again. It's gentle, it's sweet. Reminds me of walking under light rain, the tingly feeling on your skin as the rain drops touch you. It's like watching the sun set on the beach, it's like listening to the waves early in the morning. I know it's corny and all that fluffy stuff. But hey, I'm kissing the woman I'm in love with. So if I'm feeling a bit sappy, just wanted you to know: this is MY sappy moment._

_I hold her tight till I felt my tears slowly make it's way downward. She looks at me, cups my face in her warm palms and kisses my tear stained cheeks. She whispers in my ear that I'll never be alone. Words I've always wished to hear my whole life. So I continue to hold her, molding our bodies into one. She continues to shower me with kisses along with whispers that she'll always be here. So we stand there: as one._

_

* * *

_

Awhile later she takes my hand in hers and I follow her upstairs. She opens the door to her bedroom inviting me in.

"Catherine..."

"We don't have to do anything, Sara."

"I've never been..."

"...with another woman? Neither have I."

"I don't know what..."

"Me neither, Sara."

"I'm... I'm scared of tomorrow."

"So am I. But now, we have each other to face it."

"Will you be here when I wake up?"

"There's no other place I want to be but here with you, Sara."

"All my life people hurt me. I don't want to get hurt again."

"Neither do I."

"I've... I've been in love with you so long that this feels like a dream."

"I'm falling in love with you, Sara. And I don't want this to end."

"You're...what?"

"Falling in love with you. Why, is it hard to believe?"

"With a mighty big 'yes'."

"Just accept that..."

"..I'm growing on you..."

"... just like warts."

"Catherine...!"

"Ha! I made you smile! I've always loved your smile. It's cute. I've been trying to make you smile and laugh. Have you noticed that I want to hang out with you more? The more I got to know you the more you started to..."

"...grow on you, like warts."

"You said it this time, not me, baby. You do have a beautiful smile, Sara."

"Sure..."

"The more I wanted to be near you, the more I wanted you more. Wait a minute... did that make sense at all?"

"None of this does, but what the hell."

"Sara, really. How about this: I could'nt stop thinking of you. You bug me. And I like it."

"Catherine, I need to ask."

"What is it?"

"How did you know what I said..."

"On the dance floor? I felt it, Sara. I felt you say it."

* * *

_I smile again. I tell you, Catherine is adorable._

She flashes me her pearly whites. She takes my hand and actually yanks me in the room. I guess my standing by the doorway became unbearable for her. Her next movement took me by surprise.

_She pushes me to the bed. May I add: incredibly soft bed with light blue satin sheets that is so cool on the skin! Fluffy pillows, must be the hypoallergenic kind. I wonder where she bought these? Maybe I can check on line. Oh, my goodness..._

I glance up at her and my heart starts beating like a bongo drum, fast and loud. I'm scared as hell because as I mentioned earlier: you never know what you're getting from Catherine Willows.

So I lie there in bed. Afraid to move a muscle. Okay. I'm petrified. As I said before: dreams are dreams because I can control them. This is reality. I cannot control...that woman right in front of me...

And she's standing by the bed with a mischievious grin.

_Oh my lord..._

She slowly gets on the bed and straddles me. She's like a lion about to eat her prey. Her hair falls partly on her face as she looks down on me. And her smile becomes a naughty, naughty grin.

Again: _Oh my lord..._

* * *

And with a sexy, husky voice she say, "Move over, I always sleep on the right side." 

I exhaled all the air I was holding in. God, what a woman! In the wee hours of the night she can be a funny, funny woman!

I get yanked, pushed and straddled in a span of one minute. Damn, she's good!

I rolled over to the left, kicked my shoes off and laughed, "Catherine, you got me there for a moment."

"Oh," she says as she takes off her heels off and slides under the sheets, "I'm way sleepy and tired right now, love. But..." She turns around and kisses me lightly on the lips, "I will get you in the morning, dearest Sara. Beware, I'm an early riser." With that she puts her arms around me and snuggles next to me. She whispers in my ear, "plus, you have six years to make up."

_What a fine predicament I'm in. God, I love this woman! _

I wrap my arms around her and kiss her forehead. "I love you, Catherine."

Her eyes are closed now, but still she smiles at me. "I'm glad it's you, Sara. I'm glad I'm falling in love with you."

* * *

_Am I ready for this? Yes. Because I'm not facing the world alone anymore. I know it's going to be hard at first. I know it's going to be a challenge making us work. There are going to be some bumps along the way but we have each other to hang on to. We'll lift each other up. We'll be there for each other. I know we will. I know Catherine, and she knows me. And I know we won't give up on each other. This is real. This will be for always. _

_I love her too much and I'm happy to know she's learning to love me._

_The fun part is: it's going to be an adventure getting to know each other._

_Oh, that includes making love for ther first time, exploring each other for the first time...which will happen in a couple of hours when we wake up. But that's another story to tell. Wheee!!! Roller coaster ride!_

_So I need to go to sleep. I need my rest. I need my energy. Because our adventure has begun. _

_Best of all, my life is not in black and white anymore. Catherine is filling it up with rays of color. _

And I need to tell her again what I should have said a long time ago: "I love you, Catherine Willows. I love you, I love you, I love you."

Her eyes are still closed, her smile is still there. Her hand caresses my face and she whispers, "I'm loving you too, Sara Sidle."

_With that I close my eyes. And I know I will sleep peacefully this time and for the nights to come._

_

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**Hope you all enjoyed it. Reviews always cool. **_


	16. Chapter 16 conclusion

**Conclusion to My Predicament**

**A GOOD MORNING**

**rating: T **

**felt like adding this tonite, and coz it's january - new semester n' stuff, means busy again.**

**disclaimer: CBS/CSI not mine, don't even want it. Well, maybe for a day.**

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I open my sleepy eyes slowly to the feeling of someone caressing my face lightly. 

"Good morning, sunshine." She whispers as she showers kisses on my cheeks.

I yawn and look out the window, then at my watch. "Catherine, the sun's not even up." I can see her smile as the moon outside illuminates the room.

"In some countries it's already noon." She sits up on the bed.

"Like what country," I stretch my arms upward. Waking up with Catherine is the best way to start a day.

"Maybe like...Mongolia, Thailand or Tampa." She runs her fingers through my thighs.

"Like in Tampa, Florida? That's not a country, Catherine. Do you even know where Mongolia is?" I can see by the glint in her eyes she's interested in something else.

"So sue if I don't know my geography." Her hands slowly go underneath my shirt, "I rather map out this area instead."

I smile as she straddles me. "Besides," she smiles playfully, "I told you last night I'm an early riser."

"I believe you now." I don't think I even slept much. Not because of the anticipation of our first time together, okay that's a factor, but last night I was busy watching her sleep. The beauty and peace she brings with the night, her rhythmic breathing, her arms wrapped around me, the warmth of her body.

"So?" She asks me as I try to control my hitched breathing as her fingers slowly make it's way upward.

"Sooo..." My eyes are glued to the movement of her hand under my shirt.

She smiles in contentment as she sees my breathing deepen and quicken. "What do you want for breakfast?"

"Wha...t?" I really can't concentrate with all her teasing.

"I know what I want for breakfast." She lowers her head and places butterfly kisses on my stomach inching her way upward.

"Catherine..." It was barely a whisper, more of a moan. More of a plea of encouragement not to stop.

She looks up with that cocky grin of hers. Her hair making waves on my bare skin. And then bites her lower lip.

_Okay, that's it. I can't take this anymore. Enough's enough!_

I suddenly sit up with her. Face to face. Catherine still straddling me. And I look at her deep within her blue eyes. I felt her hands slowly raise my shirt up but I stop her. I can see the quizzical look in her face. But I held on to her hands firmly and I smile. I raise both of our ams up and pushed her back. Now it's my turn to straddle her. This is more like it. Me being in control, just like my dream. I slowly go down on her, and I know she was expecting me to kiss her lips. But I shift my head and nibble on her neck till I felt her pulse point. I took my time listening to her moan my name and arch her body toward me as I let go of her hands and soon felt her fingers tangle through my hair.

She moans my name slowly along with her breathing. Like a sweet whisper for only me to hear. Barely audible, like a sexy purr.

I know this is both of our first times but somehow it's like we've been lovers forever.

I slowly upbutton her wrinkled blouse, the same one she slept in. And I sit back in admiration as I see her lacy black bra. I trace my fingers through the lining of the garment and watch the rising and falling of her chest with every breath she takes, with every touch I make. Her hands reach out again slowly lifting up my shirt, her fingers run through my skin. I help her finish the task of taking it off and flinging it to the side. I earned a smile and a raised eyebrow from her. This time her hand reach behind me and unclasp my bra and tosses it in the other direction.

"You're going to make me look for my clothes later, aren't you?"

"Sara...shut up." She takes off her own bra and tosses it.

Now I can feel my breathing quicken as I move down and unbutton her pants. I slowly pull them down and push them off the bed. I stand up to unzip my own jeans but she stops me, "Sara, stop. Do it slowly, please. I want to watch you." God, I want to get back in bed and feel every inch of her! But I do as she says. She sits up and watches as I slowly pull the zipper down, strip teasing my last clothing off. She's breathing through her mouth now and I realize I'm doing the same. I can see her eyes darken with every tantalizing move I make.

"Catherine," I sit in front of her and watch my own hand shake as I reach out and touch her.

She then takes my hand and places it over her heart and whispers, "Feel it, Sara? It's now beating for you."

I am overwhelmed with love. I let tears run down my face as I feel her heart beat. With her free hand she bring my face closer and kisses me. Gentle at first, teasing my lower lip slowly. I lay her back in bed without breaking our kiss. Soon we were kissing hungrily. Our tongues trying to control each kiss, as if making up for lost time.

Our bodies are fully naked now, and all I could do for the first few moments was to admire this goddess before me. I touch her face making sure she's real. Slowly caressing her neck with my fingers. Touching her breasts, her stomach, her legs with my hands. I felt like a sculptor working under the moonlight feeling every part of a perfect creation. I ask myself, what have I done to deserve such beauty in front of me?

Our hands roaming freely, touching every inch of skin. Exploring each other hungrily. Moaning each other's name several times as the touching heightened. I love the way how her back arches, bringing her warm body into mine. The way how her hands strangle the sheets. The gasping of my name and quivering of her body when her time came. I have kissed every inch of her but yet I seek to do more. I cannot get enough of my Catherine.

I love every moment, every single moment. Yes, I have lost six years but now I have a life time of making it up.

It was our first time. And it was beautiful. It is hard to put into words what we have felt and gone through together.

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_The satin sheets is still moist from our perspiration. I kiss her lips gently and wipe the sweat off her brow. She strokes my hair as I lay my head on her chest and listen as her heart slowly beats it's way back to it's normal rhythm. We cling to each other like there was no tomorrow._

I hear her whisper my name softly, "I love you, Sara."

I smile as I close my eyes as the first ray of sun comes up. I have to get used to these 'early morning calls' of hers.

Yes, waking up with Catherine Willows is beautiful.

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**any final reviews would really rock!**


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